All Aboard the Rae Train, oh my bad, only room for One=ME

Okay its crazy, sometimes things just want you to think "I just dont care anymore," but with me there is always something deep down, that just cant shake it. So technically, I will always care for those I encounter, whether it was good or bad; ive decided to learn something from each and everything, even the smallest thing...So after all I have went through, I have come to the conclusion that this time it is really time for me to take care of me. I'm getting focused now; I have goals to accomplish and the tunnel vision is on with only those things in sight. Yea I have said this a number of times but I'm going to try it again and again until I get it right. So no hard feelings to anybody if I seem to be a little self-centered here on out, but it's time for me to do truly for me. I don't mind helping others, especially family and friends, but I do it so much, I put myself on the backburner. Well now, I do not plan on doing that anymore, I've gone to the station and got an one-way ticket to ME!....maybe next time, they'll be a passenger wit me...only God knows :D

Lost???

Okay so I'm really supposed to be doing my school work right now, but it so much, i feel as thought it is consuming me...Yes I understand that I am a college student and school work is what I am supposed to be doing, but dang, can a girl catch a break, have a lil fun in her life. I know I'm suppose to manage my time so well that I am able to do so, but it seems as though no matter how hard I try, it just doesn't turn out that way, anybody else feel this way??? please say its not just me and with all the other things racing thru my mind, its like how do I concentrate. I'm so worried bout "is this info gonna be on the test or is this gonna be on that test or what in the world am i supposed to learn from this to be on this test." It's so crucial...and for some ODD reason all your professors wanna make their due dates at the same time, hello this is not the only class I'm taking, but i feel like they know that and just continue to pile up the work...man I'm sound like all I'm doing is complaining but i don't see it that way...I'm just getting my thoughts out...i feel so lost or am i really???

*Thoughts Behind these Beautiful Eyes*

Good evening, this is the first blog I have written in a long and I mean LONG time. This will not be the last because I have so much on my mind, that one blog just wont suffice for the feelings that run through my heart each and everyday. I am hoping by the completion of this blog, I will feel like a weight as been lifted from my heart and hopefully soon I will no longer feel this way I am feeling at this very moment...So enough with the chitter chatter, let me get now to the nitty gritty, lol....

So...let me start with the true topic of this blog-RELATIONSHIPS...and Imma be str8 up with you, I am not that keen on them but I at least try to my chance in them. But it seems as though every dude that was pursued or did the pursuing turn out to be crazy, except one who is a good friend now. Now don't get me wrong, there has not been many, only a few and I'm not one to just put my feelings out there, but when I fall into (like), I fall HARD...sad to say, but I'm just a truly kind and VERY caring person and that just seems to be what happens when I find somebody I truly like. Now there is something special bout you if I experience this for you. It may take a min or so for you to find this out from me verbally, but I'm a true believer of "actions speak louder than words" and my actions are clear: smiles, the laughter, the texts...all keen signs that I'm feeling you...and let's not forget the good old fashion, "I like you;" yea I said it....There was a time, where I wouldn't have and would have just let you slip by....The Scenario...So there's this dude, but there is also a lack of communication...a relationship can not survive or even begin, in this case, without it. Communication is the key to it all; yea there is trust, commitment, and all the other good stuff we know...but these other components would be nothing with conversation...Am I right, or am I right? You tell me, you probably no more...but then again I need to stop making that comment because just cause somebody has been in a number of relationships, doesn't mean that they actually learned from them...hmmm...food for thought...
Well all in all, I think, no I know I have said it a number of times, that I am just gonna leave it alone but somehow, someway, the thought continues to resurface and truly wont disappear until I know...not until I KNOW...man I think I be doing the most, so I back off, but I just wont to know, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK...hmm...so think it is...but I think I'm through for tonight and hopefully one day I can truly say I have become the full grown butterfly that I aspire to be, spiritually, mentally, and physically because right now I feel as though I am still in the cocoon.

Ps. thanks to bestest and my ace (subj to change, need suggestions, u kno who u are, lol) for encouraging me but like the gospel song says "Sometimes we gotta encourage ourselves." Thanks for the inspiration and constant support thru this all...one day we will kno the deal with riverside, hopefully soon....